Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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