I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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