I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
