this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
