and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
