i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
