Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
