Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
