Sponge bath it is.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
