So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
