porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
