Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
