There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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