my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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