I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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