margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
