is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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