i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
