who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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