Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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