Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
