one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
