We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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