I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
