y did u give ur computer a hand job?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
