I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
