That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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