am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
