Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
