just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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