Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As shirtless as possible
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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