Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're making bets on your personal life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
