Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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