Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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