I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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