Your dad touched me again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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