Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize