Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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