I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
