I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
