I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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