Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
