if you like me you must not know who I am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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