I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize