I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
