Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
