Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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