you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
