I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
