I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
