he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
