i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
