Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
